Inspired to "Do Life"

Ahh, the beginning of Lent.  Yet another time to make resolutions I may or may not keep in the next 40 days.  I just want to be “good,” meaning I want to come out of the next 40 days feeling as if I gave my diet and exercise regimens a good run for their money.  I’ve been doing the 5:45 am spin class the last two days, and other then actually rolling out of bed when the alarm goes off at 5 (or at least within ten minutes of it!), it’s not so bad.  I just don’t have time with my work schedule to be exercising in the afternoons, so I’m making it work for me.  I want to keep that up, but I don’t want to feel as if I failed if circumstances beyond my control (though somewhat expected) cause me to go out of town.  Keep at it.  I think that’s my goal for the next 40 days.

Finally got the chance tonight to catch up on some Tumblr reading, and E’s post really got me thinking.  It must be really hard to be friends with someone like me – someone who is always concerned about losing weight, someone whose diet dictates where we eat, someone who is always comparing themselves to others.  I do all the things she (and others) mention – including that wishing people saw the “skinny me.”  I wish that every time I see a guy check out another (skinnier) girl in the room (despite being married, we girls still want to feel appreciated!  ;-)).  I wish that every time I put on adorable heels and wonder if guys think I’m teetering on them.  I wish that every time I put on a bathing suit.  DefineDiana summed it up – “Losing weight is hard.  Being fat is hard.  Choose your hard.”

These are the days I remind myself why I’m doing this.  I’m doing this to find me, to free me.  I’m doing this to be the person I know I can be.  I’m worth it.  So are you.

Blar!  Too much time at work means NOT enough time at the gym.  Decided to go back on my diet to at least keep my weight in check (if not falling) while I’m booking 70 hour weeks.  Still need to get back to the training program though - 10K in June I’d like to be really ready for!  And the goal of being in a single digit size swimsuit doesn’t hurt either!  ;-)

Blar.  Hate being a downer.  Despite my 16-hour days this week, my eating has been decent (until today) and I haven’t put on any weight.  Crossing my fingers that this work thing lets up soon and I get my life back!

I hate failing, but I’ve failed at my weight loss. 

I love people, but I don’t know how to deal with them.

I need more patience, more determination and more faith.

Not a good week.  Did my Monday run and Tuesday spin class.

Worked 16 hours, skipped my Wednesday run.

Spent more hours at work, skipped the Friday run.

Went to the bar and hung with friends instead. 

Some days, I need sanity more than running.  Today was that day.

Prelim results from the 5K = 34:36!  My GPS watch time was shorter, but hey, still a PR.  Good weekend.

So, week 3 of my training plan has begun.  I’ve only missed one workout - the power outage one - so I’m feeling pretty good about it.  I’ve had a lot of opportunities to give up, walk away, or make excuses, but I haven’t.  I think it does have a lot to do with owning up here (even though no one knows this exists!), but also that my mindset has changed a little bit.  I will never be stick-thin awesome-metabolism girl, but I’m ok with that.  I’m handling it, I’m making it a priority.  People have much harder things to deal with in life.

I’m looking forward to my 5K this weekend.  It was the one canceled by snow-pocalypse last year, so I’ve never run the course.  I’m looking forward to seeing another stat added to my page too.  The little things… ya know.  =)

I have a trip coming up in April with friends, and the last time we went we spent a lot of time in the club.  I LOVE to dance, but have always felt self-conscious (and my husband’s not into it, so we rarely go).  I’m hoping to be in better shape by then so I can feel good in my “club clothes” and have a great time!

Had big aspirations for this Monday, but instead ended up with another 12-hour workday, an hour homeowner’s association meeting, and a 3-mile run.  I’m out of hours.  :-P